| I was afraid to be alone
Now
I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
And now my sorrow seems so far
away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck
them away
'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll
cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now
gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever
go away
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in
myself
I'll find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be
alone
So please understand if I dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and
stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only
particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
Ohh..
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll
find it in myself. |
| |
| I was afraid to be alone
Now
I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
And now my sorrow seems so far
away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck
them away
'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll
cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now
gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever
go away
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in
myself
I'll find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be
alone
So please understand if I dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and
stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only
particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
Ohh..
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll
find it in myself. |
| |
| I've been doing pretty well.
Doing well financially, going to school, seeing guys.
I'm pretty happy with where I'm at.
|
| |
|
Another year is ending.
What has changed for me?
I started college, and I've been working. I've learned so much
about personal responsibility, and many people have entered and left my
life. There were several instances where I have been extremely tempted
to do things that I might have regretted now, but I have been careful
to avoid those. I have met many liars, hypocrites, and truly disgusting
people. However, I have also made lots of new friends as well.
Where does that leave me?
My parents have been too protective over me throughout these last
couple of years, though my actions from when I was 15 make it
understandable. When they found out I was gay, I got the feeling that
they really disliked me. I already had a bad relationship with my
family, and I still do. I never show any signs of affection towards
them, because I have no such feelings for them. However, despite my
family being christian, they have accepted me as who I am. Though this
may be the case now, they still make an effort to seclude me from "gay
influence". They never let me go out with guys that they don't know,
and though I struggle to break free from their control, my dependancy
on them leaves me no choice. They have been delaying my driver's tests
for so long, and it certainly has come at a cost.
With this coming year, I hope to finally obtain my license. I can
finally gain some freedom as well as privacy, and stop being sheltered
from them. I hate my parents so much, for not treating me like an
adult. I hate so many people in my past as well. I will never be able
to forgive some people.
Even so, I may not openly show all of my emotions. How long will it be until I can find someone to love?
I hope this year can give me some answers.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to y'all.
|
| |
| I'm in LA for thanksgiving. Hmm.....it's boring here. :P Hm. I should probably be studying for finals or at least shopping on black friday, instead of being locked up in my grandpa's house playing wii all day. I'm glad christmas is coming up...no school, I'll have more time for job+boy hunting, be able to kick back (which I haven't been able to do for a long time). Everything's flowing along... how long will it last this time? |
| |
